You Are Beautiful, Right Now.

I wonder when it became okay for us to talk about ourselves in a negative way? I am no stranger to this action. I have been doing this for years. Comparing my body to my friend’s bodies. Wishing I was taller, wishing my butt wasn’t so big, Wishing I had better hair, hating my one tooth that sticks out further. I’ve done it, we have all done it. But when did it become socially acceptable to self trash talk? 

I was on a shoot where I was taking a course on boudoir photography. I remember the first model showing up, taking a seat in the make-up chair and I looked over thinking, she is my height, she is super curvy, she has great boobs, she is stunning but she’s the model?  Usually models are like a size zero and 5’10. I know, I know, don’t start sending me your hate messages yet, please, keep reading! The make-up artist went ultra glam on her, she laid out her lingerie and after we had chosen which pieces to shoot, she came out of the changeroom and all I could think was, holy shit!!!! She looks AMAZING! I was watching her prance around the room half naked fully embracing her body, loving her curves. You could just tell she felt so good and comfortable in her skin. I was envious. Then it was time to shoot. She hopped up on the bed, I got her into the position I wanted and then I watched her work the camera like she was the next Victoria Secret Model. She NAILED it! She absolutely killed her shoot, and the confidence that radiates off her when you are in her presence was something I longed for. What really made me even more proud and emotional, was that she wasn’t a size 0. She’s an everyday girl, that loves herself, loves her body, and doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks. Every time I snapped a photo of her, I fell in love with her just a little bit more, and by the time the shoot was over, I wanted to learn how to love myself like that!

I got in my car after that shoot and started apologizing to myself for how cruel I have been. I made a vow in my vehicle that day, that I would no longer trash talk my body anymore. I vowed that I would learn to love myself, start taking care of myself and making myself a priority. What I wasn’t expecting, was how difficult that task was going to be. 

I had gotten so use to looking in the mirror and squeezing fat, telling myself that if I would just stop eating cookies, and chocolate that I would be so much thinner and more beautiful. If I just went and finally booked that consult for Invisalign braces that my smile would be so much better. I was hurting myself and belittling myself, when it really deserves to be celebrated. I started thinking about all that I have done with my body. Running half marathons, competing in tough mudder, Feme sport competition, teaching spin classes, having a baby…. My body can do all of that! I should be thanking it, not mutilating it. 

The stretch marks that I hated, I now love and rock in a bikini. I am proud of those stretch marks, they gave me my daughter. I took a close look at my big bum, with cellulite, and I thought, it might be curvy, but it really is a great bum, and I love how it fills out a pair of jeans. My butt is not big, its’s beautiful! You know, this body is not half bad. 

Day by day, I have made a conscious effort not to speak poorly of my body anymore. If I looked in the mirror at work and my hair was a mess and my make-up didn’t look like I thought it should, I would remind myself that its amazing that I even got to work in one piece this morning…. That is a WIN!!!! “Way to go girl,” I would say to myself, “Your killing it!” I still see reflections some days that I don’t like in the mirror, but I don’t talk about it or complain about it anymore. I accept that I am just having an off day and focus on something that will make me feel good. I like to wear my favourite outfits on those days. I am not going to let one negative thought have that much power over my day or how I feel about myself.

Comparing ourselves and our bodies to models in fashion magazines, or people on social media, is just NOT RIGHT!!!! Your story is not their story, your body is not their body. Most importantly, it is not the actual body that reigns confidence, it’s the mind and the attitude that people really fall in love with.  Fall in love with yourself. With every dimple, stretch mark, purple vein, wrinkle, OWN IT! Flaunt what you’ve got with confidence. 

It breaks my soul, when I get comments from women who say, “When I lose 10 pounds I am going to have a boudoir shoot with you.”  Yes! Of course, I want to shoot your pictures, that is my passion, but what I’m really doing is biting my tongue. I’m sad that the beautiful woman in front of me thinks she needs to lose 10 pounds before she gets some photos done. 

It kills me when women walk into there shoot and start telling me all their flaws before they jump into there first set of lingerie, even after I have stated my no self trash talk rule. They think it’s necessary to tell me as if I haven’t seen it before. Listen, I have cellulite, but my ass is so curvy, and I love how it looks in cheeky bikini bottoms! I love that my now smaller less perky boobs fit into bralette’s, so I don’t have to wear an underwire bra every day! I love that my short legs allow me to rock killer heels. I have taken my old negatives and turned them into my new positives.  I love my body, it’s healthy and strong.

 The more that I have loved my body, the better I have treated it. You would have never ever in a million years caught me with a smoothie consisting of organic unsweetened almond milk, vegan protein powder, 2 scoops of chia seeds, 1 scoop of hemp seeds, ¼ cup of blueberries and 1 tbsps. of natural organic peanut butter, organic greens powder and 1 scoop of ashwagandha. NEVER! I used to wonder how women drank that crap! Since I have started my road to loving my body, I just want to feed it with all the goodness it deserves. That being said…. I still love my sweet potato fries, I love sharing a chocolate bar with my hubby, and going for brunch with my friends, BUT I have started to make small steps this year in giving my body what it deserves. So those smoothies, I use to laugh at, now I enjoy making. How did that happen? Well I have chatted in my blogs about I AM statements, about committing to making my life better and loving myself. I think once you have been practising all these things long enough, eventually your brain just starts to believe it and you naturally start taking on the characteristics of the vision you have for yourself. Since Day 1 of starting this journey, I have written, I AM FIT, I AM HEALTHY, I AM IN LOVE WITH MYSELF. Well, I think my brain is starting to catch on. I picked one smoothie that I thought sounded drinkable, I went to Safeway and picked up all the necessary and specific ingredients and I just went for it. The smoothie does not taste amazing, it’s no Booster Juice, I’ll tell you that! But every time I reach that final sip, I feel so good about the steps I am taking towards becoming healthy. To me, it’s not even about the body anymore, it’s how long can I live on planet earth with my beautiful daughter and husband. You won’t believe the changes that come along with LOVING YOURSELF!  

Give yourself 60 days of No self trash talk and only self love and see what it does for you! I would love for you to give it a try and let me know how you are feeling if you take on this challenge. 60 days. Message me anytime, with any questions. I love when I hear from the readers. 

Please remember this:

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, RIGHT NOW. IN THIS VERY MOMENT, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE ROCK STAR. NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN THE PAST, NONE OF THAT MATTERS. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO TODAY AND TOMORROW TO START LOVING YOURSELF, RIGHT NOW.

I am so grateful for each and every reader. Thank you so much for sharing my blog online and with your friends. Please subscribe to my newsletter at Angieleah.com – I won’t spam you! I promise. You will receive my weekly blog and offers on photography that are only offered to subscribers, that is it! Have a fabulous week. XO, Angie