No One Is Going To Love You Like You.
Last week I had a day where I was so overwhelmed, stressed and full of anxiety that I could barely breathe. It felt like someone was jumping on my chest. I was struggling to catch my breath. I thought when my desk job was gone and I was finally able to work for myself all of this would go away, but there is was. Back again. Darkness and anxiety creeped in, and my brain couldn’t stop spinning out of control. The tears wouldn’t stop flooding from my eyes, and I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what was going on. I was living this life I had imagined for myself, and yet here I was again, having an anxiety attack from hell. I thought I had taken all precautions to stop these awful feelings from happening and yet here I was.
The worse part about this anxiety attack was that I started to come down on myself even harder. “How could this be happening to me?” I thought, “I am meditating, journaling, working out… all the things you are supposed to do to keep a healthy mindset, yet here I am again, suffering! “I began to start writing. Sometimes putting pen to paper helps me see what is really bothering me. It did calm me down, but it didn’t take the anxious feeling away. I knew my body was tired and so was I. So, I went and laid down for a nap, and here is what happened. My brain started going into a Jekyll and Hyde type conversation. I would tell myself I am exhausted and that I needed rest, and the other side would tell me I am lazy and should be working. “You will never be successful if you don’t put in the work, and here you are sleeping. Good one!” This played on for a good 15 minutes, till out loud I sat up and screamed “Stop it, Angie! Fuck! Your exhausted, go to bed!” With tears rolling down my face, I cuddled up with a blanket and had a nap.
When I woke up, I felt so much better. I continued on with my day, but it was still bothering me that I got so anxious. Later, I began to read through my journal. This common theme kept popping up in my entries over the past few weeks. I am afraid of not being successful in photography and achieving the goals I have set for myself. It all started to make sense to me now. I was setting Big, Huge, Audacious goals for myself, that I truly believe to be possible, BUT (here is the kicker) I don’t actually believe that I am the one who is capable of achieving them. I believe in the goal, I believe in the outcome of the goal, but I don’t believe that me – Angie Leah Jones is capable of achieving it. Not for any other reason other than it’s me trying to be successful at it. If it was my friend, I would be there greatest cheerleader, but for myself…. Not so much. When I read these journal entries, I knew I had a problem that needed to be fixed and I knew I needed to start fixing it now.
The truth is, that I don’t like to picture anything I don’t think I am worthy of receiving for fear that it will never happen and therefore I will be disappointed in myself for not achieving that goal. So, in return I think small and therefore I will stay small. If I don’t even, consider the fact that I am worthy of one day reaching my goals than I will never acheive them. The stories, your belief system, yourself worth is all tied into the ability to believe that you are worthy of receiving what you are asking for. And if you don’t believe that you are capable, and you can’t even make-believe dream it, then you sure as hell are never going to even come close to ever achieving it. I asked myself, if I believe that others can achieve big dreams and goals, then why can’t that be true for myself? And that all comes down to self-worth.
I preach self-love. I think that it is incredibly important. I love to show women the beauty I see in them through boudoir photography, but I realized last week that self-love is not just about the love of your appearance. Self-Love is about forgiving yourself for mistakes that have happened in your life and no longer beating yourself up for things you did or didn’t do. Self-Love is taking the nap when your body tells you it’s time to rest. Self-Love is believing that you are worthy of receiving those big things you dream about.
This will be a process for me to work through, something that will take time, but the actual realization that I feel this way is allowing me to work through some of the pain and anxiety I was dealing with. It’s one thing to set out some goals for yourself, but if you don’t think you are worthy of the outcome of working hard to achieve the goals, then it is time to do some self-love work. In order for me to believe I am worthy of receiving great gifts for my talent and work, I decided to rewrite my story. I wrote on a fresh new page in my journal, all the reasons why I believe I am worthy of receiving these big goals. And let me tell you. It was a total light bulb moment. It took me a long time to come up with the reasons, but that was only because I put so much thought and detail into the things that make me worthy of receiving the goals I have set for myself. It was nice to read all the good things, instead of all the negative stories that I retell myself every single day. We LOVE to focus and pay attention to all the things that go wrong, and we fail to lavish in all the things we do right. So, I would love to challenge you to take 10-15 minutes and make a list for yourself of all the things that you have done right so far in your life. The big ones, that really stand out and especially the small ones, we don’t give ourselves enough credit. Listen, no one is going to celebrate you like you. We are supposed to be our own cheerleaders. We are supposed to love ourselves more than anyone else, society just tends to tell us differently. But I would challenge you to stop worrying about anyone else but yourself and just start loving on you and see what that changes in your body. Can you do it? I dare you to try. I LOVE when you write me and tell me about the little challenges, or share with me your stories, so please, give this a chance and write yourself a list of all the beautiful things you have accomplished. Maybe print it out and carry it in your car, desk, purse and everywhere you need it to be to keep reminding yourself that the best person to love you is you.
Until next week.
Angie
P.S. The countdown is on. The Self Love Tribe is officially about to begin. If you would love to be a part of this community of like-minded women than please be sure to sign up for my newsletter at Angieleah.com/newsletter to be added to the group. I am just finishing some details before the Facebook page goes live and our tribe begins. This page is a page where you can go to be fully you. To be surrounded by a group of like-minded women who want to build each other up instead of tearing them down. There will be no negativity allowed here. This is a safe space to discuss uplifting podcasts, amazing books, discussions on self-development topics, workouts, and tangible teachings to help you bust through your fear and move forward with your life’s purpose. The goal is to have a space where women can go to be truly real and authentic and not feel ashamed for it. Are you ready??? I can’t freaking wait. We have amazing speakers that are going to be guest speaking in the group. There are so many fabulous things to come from this. I cannot wait to see you there. XO