I’ve recently had an entire mind shift on the way I view my friendships. I enjoy getting together with friends for lunch, coffee or wine, but I noticed with a certain social circle that the topic use to typically always end up negative about other women. One luncheon often pulls at my heart strings and agitates me that I participated in. Myself and two other women were sitting around a table drinking coffee and one of the women I was with pulled out her iPhone, suggested we cheers the coffee mugs, and post it on social media to drive a few other women crazy. Yes! You read that correctly, we took a photo, posted it on Instagram to irritate other women that we were together and that they weren’t invited. Even though I quite like the other women, I still participated in this photo and laughed when they came up with a clever caption to post with the ridiculous photo. It didn’t feel right then, and it feels even worse typing it out now. I played along with the ridiculous game for fear of losing friendships, even though in my heart at the time… I knew it was wrong. 

But what stopped me from saying something? From not participating in this childish act as a 30 something grown women? Why did I participate in such disgusting behaviour with these women? After a lot of soul searching here is what I came up with: 1) Fear of being alone. 2) Insecurity. 3) Not loving my own self enough to stand up for what I know is right deep down. 4) Caring more about those friendships than I do about myself. 

It wasn’t until I dropped several unhealthy friendships that I realized there was a major issue here. When I was no longer apart of this friendship circle it hurt hard for weeks. I would watch my social media feed and see my use to be friends out with other women, and it would rock me to my core. Tears would flood down my face and I would be deeply devastated, even though I knew the old friendships were not good for me. I would pray to god and ask for the hurt to go away, and when it was weeks later, and it still hurt, I was starting to get angry. Then one day it hit me. Angie! You have placed more care on those “friends” than you have on yourself. Are these friendships worth it? Are these the types of relationships you want to be a part of?

I began swarming for information on my google search bar for podcasts and articles about how to move on, and how to start caring for myself. The first thing that I did was remove these people from my social media. It took me days to complete this task. I was still worried what they would think when they saw I had removed them? Would they talk about me with mutual friends? Then one evening I got up the courage to delete every person off my Instagram and Facebook that no longer served me in my journey to self-love. It was very hard for me to do this, but the relief I feel now, is unexplainable. I had to start surrounding myself with people who are good for my soul, personal growth and who are going to be there for me NO MATTER WHAT. So, I figured if that meant that I have only 1 or 2 amazing friends, then so be it.  I would rather. I was in search of a life change and I refuse to have anything but greatness around me. 

I started to make loving myself a fulltime job. This was extremely difficult at first, and one I still struggle with on occasion. I sat one day and made a list of things that make ME happy, outside of the happiness I receive from my husband and daughter. This was a great learning experience for me, as it was never something I made a priority before. Here is what I came up with 1) Working out. As hard as it is to get myself to the gym some days, I ALWAYS feel better. 2) Photography. I LOVE photography, yet I never made the time to go shoot, practise my editing skills, or set up learning opportunities with other photographers. I quickly jumped on this passion and by May I had launched my website, taken a Boudoir photography workshop with my favourite photographer and started taking bookings. 3) Writing. I love to write. I started writing short stories that eventually will be blog posts for this website. I started to write regularly in my journal, dreams, goals, mantra’s and my daily thoughts and feelings. 4) Fashion. I love clothing. For those of you who don’t know this about me, I use to own a clothing store. When I closed the store, a piece of my soul died, and I decided to rekindle those feelings. No more jeans and hoodies to work (not that there is anything wrong with this AT ALL). I want to wear my beautiful tops, boots, and dresses, and I want to wear them with confidence and feel good about my body in them. 

Every day I write a list of I AM statements. For example: I am strong, I am confident, I am beautiful, I am worthy of love, I am fit, I am smart. At first, this was difficult. I didn’t totally believe what I was writing, but I chose to write statements that I wanted to come true and statements that I was working towards. After you write it out enough times, you actually start to believe it. It took me awhile to get into the rhythm of this exercise, but I allow my imagination to run wild with my I AM statements. It’s amazing, after you write it out enough times, you actually start to believe it.

The last change I made to heal was to bring more love to others. Nothing makes me feel better, then when I see a woman with great hair  and I stop to tell her how amazing it looks on her. Or to send a Hey, I am thinking about you text. When I scroll through my social media and I see a photo of a friend and she is rocking a dress, I like to take the time to comment. I want that friend to know she looks great. It takes two seconds to double tap or hit the like button. It can totally boost that person’s day and make them feel amazing. Spreading love to others is a guaranteed mood changer, in the best way!

It’s been approximately 6 months since I started this journey. It didn’t happen overnight for me. It took small steps. Some days I go backwards instead of forwards. Self-Love is the act of loving yourself no matter what your current situation is. Striving for a better version of yourself every day. I believe in keeping promises to yourself, being consentient in your self love goals, but also allowing yourself some grace. 

 I challenge you to look at your relationships with friends and family. Who are you spending time with that isn’t making you feel good? How can you remove the negativity and drama from your life so that you can show up as the best version of yourself? What are 4 things that make you feel good and how can you schedule this into your life? 

Remember, you are SO worthy, and you deserve to feel good. Take the first step to loving yourself today. Don’t wait! Life is to short. Tomorrow is not promised. It should be your mission to live your best life EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

XO, Angie